Which truths will set you free?

I watched a movie this morning about where processed food comes from. It was horrifying and disgusting. It made me feel dirty and I ended up cleaning my kitchen until everything was very very shiny. And while I was scrubbing, I was thinking. I was thinking about my life and , how I socialize, exercise, eat, live, love, it brought all that up and then some. I realized that I am not happy how I live.

I am a very large woman who loves to eat and loves to cook. I like to make things look beautiful to others. So my food has to look , taste, and smell appealing. I love to cook healthy foods because they make me feel not so sluggish after eating. But I tend to surround myself with people who are if nothing less than addicted to fast fattening foods. And that affects my cooking because I want them to enjoy their meal.

But I need to make a change in my life. I don’t like being in pain, depressed, or only being able to dream of things I want to do. I want to run, literally. I want to get up every morning and go running for miles. I want to hike when the weather in nice, and I have always wondered what it would be like to go rock climbing.

So  in all of this thinking I have made the decision to change MY life. To change how I eat, cook, exercise, and stop dreaming so much because I want to live more then dream. I am a very willful person when I want to be, so I know I can do this. I have done many things in my life that I never thought or even knew I could do.

So here I go. Day one  on making a better future for myself. All I know is that it’s going to be hard at times and I may not get the encouragement that I want or even need, but if I can stay focused on my goals and be honest with myself, then I can get there.

A showerhead of the rest.

At the beginning of last month I moved into this beautiful house with two other roommates. I was lucky enough to be able to get the master bedroom with a joined bathroom. I was disappointed to find out that the shower head barely allowed a drizzle to fall from it. Needless to say I had to take my showers in the small communal bathroom in the hallway. Well, having worked a lot of overtime last month I decided to treat myself and get a new shower head for my master bath. So yesterday on my lunch hour I drove to the Home depot down the street and fell in love with this store. It is like a art supply store for grownups. At first I was focused and didn’t stop until I found a bunch of showerhead in a small cart with a sale sign for $15. They were a little small and plastic, but I can be thrifty. So I grabbed one and marched off full of pride that I had  found what I was looking for within the first 5 minutes of entering the store (not like me at all). So then I allowed myself to wonder. I found myself half way through the floor paneling section when I found another bin of shower heads with yet again, another for sale sign of $30. This set was a bit nicer and had a shiny metallic color which helped me decided that I deserved something a little better then the plastic thing in my hand. So I exchanged the two and marched off yet again full of pride. I found the bathroom section and was full of wonderment as I imagined a house filled with new and shiny faucets. And when I turned around, I found the “actual” section for shower heads. Luckily I was able to stop myself from buying an $90 shower head that was as big as my head. Although it wasn’t easy since I could imagine myself standing under that water fall like water pressure. However, on the other hand I ended up convincing myself that what I really need was a $45 shower head that came with a detachable shower head with a 60 inch hose.

To be perfectly honest the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw the detachable showerhead was a movie that I had watched recently where a bunch of women were standing around talking about how ever “single” woman should have a nice, personal showerhead. I would like to make it clear that this is NOT the reason I bought it.

When I got home I proudly showed my boyfriend my new treasure full of  smiles and a twinkle in my eye, I received a response not quite so encouraging. He peered at the shiny bobble out of the corner in of his eye and stated in a low toned, unexcited voice, “ I guess you are going to want me to install that tonight then.”

As a matter of fact I had planned on enjoying my purchase as soon as possibly available, but not wanting to seem pushy I said. “No, you don’t have to do anything tonight. I just wanted to show you want I had bought.”

For some reason he felt the need to “rip” the plastic off the shower head that very moment and try to put it together in his room. I was calmly trying to inform him that I would need to be a spider monkey with magical powers of levitation to be able to use the shower head at the angle he had put it together when he picked up the small and until that moment untouched manual to loudly confirm that he is not one of those men who don’t use manuals.

To confirm this he threw the manual on his bed still without reading it, took the whole thing apart, and put it back together in an order that seemed to make more sense.  He then held up the shower head and puffed out his chest and stated “See!”

Then threw it also on the bed and left to have a smoke in celebration in the front yard.

I looked longingly at the shower head then crept quietly to the back yard to sit in my favorite iron chair, smoke, and ponder at the snow covered garden area.

When I came back into the house I noticed the light was on in my room. I wondered to the back of the house and curiously followed the sound of metal hitting metal from my bathroom. I peered into the room to see my boyfriend installing the shower head in his underwear.

“I thought you weren’t going to do that tonight,” I stated with a confused tone.

“Well, I thought that you might want to take a hot shower in your own bathroom tonight,” he said while peering at me over his shoulder with a half smile on his face.

I have to say, I was touched.

He masterfully had it installed in a matter of minutes. Then quickly gathered all this tools and his pants there were still laying on the floor, so that I could take my shower.

It was blissful. The water was hot and the water pressure was perfect. The detachable showerhead made shaving my legs a breeze. It was the best Christmas gift I have ever bought myself.

Stewing up a storm.

One of my presents for christmas was a 6 quart slow cooker. I was so excited that I immediately got on the internet and researched what you can make in a slow cooker. Since we are in the middle of a very cold winter, I decided that I would make my very first stew. I spent two hours at the store picking out just the right ingredients and ended up spending over $80 dollars. After which I decided I should not be allowed to go to the store alone anymore. Well, by the time I got home it was late in the afternoon and the stew has to cook 9-10 hours. So at 10 that night I made my stew and let it cook overnight. In the morning the whole house smells amazing. I was a little disappointed to see that there was not enough liquid to make gravy to go with it, but quickly decided to make it on the side. I took some left over beef broth with corn starch and was pleasantly rewarded with a delicious gravy. I poured it into the cooker and let it sit will the meat and vegetables for about 20 minutes and served. It was worth the effort and my roommates were very pleased. Although I have decided that the next batch will require a much more flavorful broth to go along with such a hearty meal.

I once was blind but now I see?

So a few days ago I was at work when my eye started hurting. It started irritating me so bad that I asked  a co-worker to drive me home that night so that I could take out my contacts. Luck was not on my side that day and I ended up having to work 3 hours later than expected. By the time I got dropped of at home I couldn’t see out of my eye at all because ALL light would make my eye adjust and caused me great pain. My boyfriend and best friend were gracious and help me to bed and cooked me dinner. Saddly after dinner I was left alone. Wide awake with nothing to do. By morning my eye was VERY VERY red so I called into work and went to the DR. He took a metal instrument that looked like a wine bottle opener and put it ON MY EYE!!! *Shudder* Then he informed me that I had an inflamed iris and requested that I still see my eye Dr after 24 hour whether I was doing better or not. He prescribed some steroid drops mixed with an anti-bacterial solution. Let me tell you, my eye felt great! I took them as prescribed at 4 hour intervals. But when I woke up the next morning my eye was a deep red once again. So I scheduled the earliest appointment I could make for 3:30 that afternoon. I rushed from work to my appointment to spend a whole 2 minutes with the eye DR. He looked into my eye and said, well it looks like you had an ulcer in your eye. Which apparently is an abrasion in you eye that gets infected. So the drops the first DR gave me were doing the trick and nothing else needed to be done. So other than a bit of peace of mind I felt the money that I spend on the second appointment was wasted. Today I can now go outside without flinching in pain and I no longer look like a druggy on a binge so I guess all is well.

Want to touch my yarn?

I have been working on the HUGE blanket for my cousin this christmas season. I actually started a few months ago (unknowingly to her) because I know she has always wanted one. So one day I went to the store, picked out three of her favorite colors and started crocheting. Well, it was a beautiful day that day and I was in my car waiting for my best friend to get off of work so that I could take her home and I got distracted when starting the first line of the blanket. I get distracted quite often so I didn’t think much about it. About a week later when I finally got to the tenth line of the blanket I finally realized how big I really made it. I have not measured it per say, but it can double as a car cover for my boyfriends truck and still have some left over. How could I make a blanket this big without noticing you might ask. I call it the shiny object syndrome. Well, I decided to keep going and she would just have a giant blanket to keep her warm. It is currently about 5 feet long and the muscle in my arm is threatening to burst out of my skin and start beating me for being such a dork. And since my family has decided to move the present exchange to the 23rd this year, I am running out of time as the days quickly pass me by. Wish me luck!